“Sometimes we just need to let go of who we have been.”
I read this quote the other day and thought ‘That’s what I’ve been doing, though I haven’t yet figured out who I am becoming now.’
I have been trying to get in touch more deeply with my emotions and my feelings. It’s easier to do when I have more wide-open space. And if I’m being honest, when I have more flexibility in my days, more time to do what I want to do, I am happier and have fewer negative emotions. But, like now, when I’m working full-time, I am too busy, often rushing around and I ignore or push down my emotions and feelings. I don’t have time to connect with them so I push them away. And this is when I wonder how I can ever find that balance between working and meeting my personal needs. I don’t want to ignore my feelings, I want to be in better touch with them. I want to be able to let go and allow myself to feel without worrying that my emotions will impact negatively on the rest of my life or that I’ll fall apart and won’t be able to handle my responsibilities. I see myself putting work at the center of my life and not giving myself what I need for a healthy life. Like more time to express myself creatively, more space to get in touch with how I’m feeling.
Of course, the week before Christmas is always a busy time, so it’s no wonder the need for more time to myself came up. It also rained a lot at the beginning of the week (which I was very grateful for), so I wasn’t able to get out and walk as much as I usually do and that always impacts my mental health. At least the view from my office window is a beautiful one, and I saw a rainbow when there was a break in the weather and I was able to get out for a walk on Wednesday.
Mom and I went to a housewarming party for my sister, Lisa and her husband, Nate. I guess it was more of a house remodeling/holiday celebration. They had spent many months remodeling the kitchen and living areas in their house, and it’s now a fantastic space for entertaining. We got to catch up with some friends and enjoy Lisa and Nate’s beautiful new space.
On Thursday after work I went to a winter solstice sound bath in Sebastopol. I drove the back way to avoid traffic and enjoy the peaceful country roads, going past lots of farms. The community center where the sound bath was held was packed with people, mostly women, as usual. It felt really good to lay on my yoga mat while the sound surrounded me and drove all other thoughts out of my head. It was a good way to celebrate the start of winter I just wish it had lasted longer than 75 minutes.
I am looking forward to a weekend of no specific plans!