More Ups and Downs

It has been an upside down, stressful couple of weeks. When I last posted, my mom had been dealing with pain from her cast. That was just the tip of the iceberg, she ended up getting Covid for the first time, and it hit her pretty hard. She was exhausted, didn’t want to go anywhere, slept a lot and ate very little. It made her very weak so two of my sisters ended up taking her to the hospital where they discovered her sodium levels were dangerously low. They admitted her and started working on getting her back to health, but then she started having seizures! Not really knowing what was going on they moved her to the ICU and in the end she got a pacemaker. She was still testing positive for Covid during this time so was in isolation in both the cardiac care unit and ICU. Eventually, she got transferred back to cardiac care, and it started to look like things were on the mend, she was getting her appetite and her sense of humor back, some of the pain medication definitely made her say some very funny things! Then, she got the scourge of hospitals, a UTI. That set her back another week as the antibiotics did their work to get rid of the infection. They pumped more fluids in her, and eventually, after making sure she could stand up without her blood pressure falling drastically, she was released to go to a rehabilitation hospital. 

It was, to say the least, a very stressful couple of weeks for my sisters and I. We took turns being with Mom. For the first week that she was back in the cardiac unit there was someone with her 24/7, we all discovered how uncomfortable the foldout chair beds are. She still had a lot of pain from her wrist fracture and was depressed about how weak she was. After going from being someone who was completely independent, driving herself everywhere, cooking meals, etc., to not even being able to feed herself was very challenging. The fact that her right arm was out of commission because of the broken wrist and she wasn’t allowed to raise her left arm above her heart because of the pacemaker created additional challenges. I think what she needed more than anything was just old-fashioned care – having people rubbing her back, brushing her hair, massaging her feet, etc. She let it be known often that the nursing staff were not taking care of their patients in the way that was done when she was a nurse. Things have changed a lot in the 60 years since she worked in a hospital, especially on specialty wards like cardiac care, it is much more clinical oriented. My sisters and I did our best to give her the emotional and physical support she needed, but I’m sure it was really, really hard having so little control over her life. 

In the four days she’s been at the rehab hospital she has improved considerably. I think just being in a less clinical atmosphere makes a huge difference. She’s got a bed by a window with curtains and we can open the window to get in fresh air, she’s getting OT and PT five days a week and really likes the staff. You hear a lot of laughter from the staff. It’s not perfect, but it is a whole lot better than the place my dad was in, which is a big relief to all of us. When I went by yesterday I brought her some soup and a sandwich from home, along with coffee, of course. And she was so happy and grateful to be eating familiar food. She wasn’t on any kind of restricted diet in the hospital, but I think to eat exactly the sort of thing she would be having at home was very soothing. 

Going through this with Mom has made me think a lot about what I would do in a similar situation. How I would treat my kids and the hospital staff. I’d like to think I wouldn’t be so angry and cranky, but I’m not so sure. And it’s really scary to see how something as seemingly minor as a tripping in the patio lead to such a rapid decline. There were times when Mom seemed ready to just let go, and it was so scary and sad to see her like that, especially knowing how she was just a few weeks ago. I can see now how fragile life is. I’ve known it intellectually, but to see it happening right in front of my eyes has been shocking. I know my mom isn’t young, but I guess I thought something like this wouldn’t happen for another decade or more, and it would be a much more gradual thing. 

I hope that she’s turned a corner and is on the upswing now. I know it won’t be exactly the same as before. I wonder how she’s going to be driving again, if she’s even going to want to do that. She has not had a Manhattan in a month! I wonder if she’s even going to want one when she comes back home. I wonder when she’ll be back home, how long the rehabilitation is going to take. She’s got to get strong enough to be able to get herself out of bed and walk around and then walk without assistance. I think if she can keep eating well that will definitely help.

Annemarie has sent a lot of videos to Mom to cheer her up, which has been fantastic. It’s just been so good to see her happy smile on such a regular basis, plus I can watch the videos whenever I want to. When I’ve had time off from work or being with Mom I have been going to the beach a lot. Tennessee Valley for dinner one night, then a one-night camping trip in Olema and going to Limantour and South Beaches in Point Reyes

Seeing the sunset and listening to the waves crashing is very calming. I even got to see a couple of whales spouting and breaching, that was a very unexpected pleasure! I did a short hike on the Sky Trail, it was wonderful at this time of the year to see all the different shades of green and the soft grass. The campground has so little artificial light, I could see so many stars at night. On Saturday morning there was family drama from a large group nearby who was having a family get together over Labor Day weekend. They had several dogs which I had seen earlier running around and all the sudden I could hear them starting to bark at each other. That soon broke up, but then I could hear the adults yelling at each other. It got very heated with an kind of accusations. Over the course of the next hour I could hear small groups talking about what was going on and who was to blame then at one family packed up and left. Made any of the drama that I’ve seen in my family seem very small in comparison. 

I listened to a science fiction book on my drive around Point Reyes, which was a perfect thing to listen to, called How to Lose the Time War. Not usually my style, but I found myself getting very absorbed. 

I’ve been working remotely since Mom was admitted to the hospital, just going over to Brentwood one day a week to do things in the office. I miss being there with the staff and the kids, but it may be a few weeks before I can be over there more than one day a week. I do actually get more work done working remotely because the office is so busy and noisy, so it’s a trade-off. When Mom was at the hospital, I would often get up extra early and after picking up a coffee at Philz would go for a walk by the water near the hospital, watching the sunrise and then sit in the meditation room and do my morning journaling. They have a little altar where you can light a battery tea light and write a note for somebody. There’s also an outdoor meditation garden, but it’s only for staff because the door locks from the outside and you need a key card to get back in. While it looks like a lovely spot, I’m glad that staff have some quiet spaces like that. I see how busy they are, and it amazes me even more how Emmy and Alea get through their days because they’re not only dealing with patients but also with their parents too which I’m sure can be very challenging.

One thing I got to do during the last couple of weeks was to see a documentary called Planetwalker, based on a book I had read a couple of months ago. It was a documentary about John Francis, who has walked around the US and different parts of the world. He went 17 years without going in any kind of motorized vehicle and 22 years without speaking, earning a bachelors and two masters and a PhD during that time. After the movie there was a Q&A with the filmmakers and John Francis, it was so cool to hear him talking about his experiences, and overall how absolutely positive they were. He has such a happy, positive personality. His motto is ’Live today what you believe’ I love it!