Every time I come back home after a trip away, especially my last couple of big trips away that have been far from an ocean, I head out to Tennessee Valley beach, one of the beaches of my childhood. Muir beach and Stinson were also prominent settings for my childhood and teenage ventures to the sea. Probably Muir more when I was a kid, but once I was in my 30s living in the East Bay, Tennessee Valley was where I often came if I was visiting my parents. It isn’t necessarily the closest because it entails a half an hour or so walk from the parking lot, but the intimacy of Tennessee Valley and that it is often so quiet in the mornings is what draws me. This morning is no exception, there were probably a dozen cars in the parking lot and I saw a handful of people walking back from the beach, but as I sit on the sand nobody else is here. I have this magical spot all to myself as the sun slowly filters onto the beach. It’s just me listening to and witnessing the waves, a very light mist of fog still clinging in some areas, a container ship slowly making its way out to the ocean. The water is blue and steel gray and even a murky medium to light green. In some places, when there’s been a big wave, small cascades of waterfalls fall down over the rocks. I think the tide is slowly going out, though I never know for sure, so I’m ready to pick myself up at a moments notice and move back – right now I’m on the edge of the smooth sand. Every time I’m here the creek that appears partway up the beach is different. This time it’s pretty much nonexistent, I don’t know if that’s a seasonal thing or it can change in the matter of a day or an evening. I do remember seeing something about tide warnings near the coast, so perhaps there’s been some unusually high tides or waves.
When I arrived in the parking lot there were deer munching on the hillside vegetation, aware of the people around but relatively unconcerned, feeling safe. I’d like to be that way in my life. I’m in one of those in between times, I’m going to be doing some work soon, but I don’t know when that’s going to start so my days have flexibility and freedom. I want to take advantage of that but I also don’t want to try to force too many things into the day, that’s part of the joy of these flexible days, I don’t have to try to do a lot. So maybe it will be just enjoying the ocean while I’m here, savoring this time of not really having to worry about anything. I never know when that can change so I want to fill myself up with this joy and relaxation to help me if I need it in a more challenging space.
This time has really helped me learn about the importance of letting go of what I can’t control and being in the moment – I’m hoping that I can keep that when I go into a more structured life -ie when I am earning money again. Be in the moment and enjoy every part of it that’s in front of me and know that things will just continue to change, flow, grow and contract just like the tide coming in and going out, sometimes rhythmically other times unexpectedly when a big wave comes up on shore.