I am realizing how much I like to know what is going to happen. I’m excited but feeling a bit stressed about going to Canada since I don’t know what it’s going to be like when I get there. I don’t know any of the people or a lot about what I’m going to do or what the place is going to be like. I don’t know if I’ll be on the farm the whole time or will be able to explore nearby. I haven’t decided when I’ll go to Quebec and Montreal and where I’ll be staying when I’m there. A lot of things are up in the air. And it’s the same about what’s going to happen when I get back. I don’t have any specific plans, except to find a way to get paid work. I am not used to having so many unknowns in my life. Part of me really likes the fact that there are so many possibilities, so many things that could happen. Part of me really wants to have an idea of what is going to happen to next. But this opening up of possibilities and having these unknown times is exactly what I was looking for as I considered my gap year. I don’t want to scurry to something that makes me feel more comfortable just for fear of the unknown. How can I balance this anxiety or even let go of it? Or maybe just learn to accept it and that will help me deal with it better?
