I didn’t do a whole lot yesterday as I was very tired, thought I might be coming down with something, but I think I’m ok. I did get out for a walk on the rhubarb trail which helped revive my energy and my spirits. I am still grappling with feeling like I’m not doing enough during this time. It is so hard not to feel like I should be productive and have a lot to show for this time. I did some research about taking the train home from Canada when I’m there in August and September. If I want to do something other than an economy seat it’s pretty pricey. But I don’t think that I can enjoy the experience if I have to sleep sitting up for 4 nights, especially since some of the best views are on the last couple of days. So I may change my timeline a bit so I can get a discounted sleeper berth. I want to take advantage of being there and explore around Quebec and Montreal as much as possible before I have to head home.
I started reading a blog written by an 87 year old woman who is traveling 10,000 miles around the US, mainly going to lots of national parks. Erin, the friend I met during my workaway in Wyoming met this woman at Bishop Hot Springs, and she sent me the link to her blog. It is so incredible for her to do this on her own at that age! My sister‘s friend Abby had mentioned a YouTube channel she was following called Couch to Trail about a couple in their late 50s who are hiking the Appalachian trail. I started watching it, and I am completely hooked! They hit the trail starting in early February in Georgia. They were together for the first two weeks but then he decided it wasn’t his thing. She was the motivation behind doing the AT, she had gone for a hike on it with a friend and it felt called to do the trail, so she decided to continue on her own. It has been incredible watching their journey, now her journey. He was the main videographer and narrator while he was on the trail with her. Now that it’s just her doing the videoing, and she has a completely different style and feel. She is so excited and enthusiastic and happy about everything. She’s not a Pollyanna, she talks about the difficulties with going uphill and her heavy pack especially now that she has to carry everything, her sore feet, etc. But she is so grateful to be out there and has met many wonderful people along the way. I am only on day 17 and I know she’s already passed day 150. I am excited to continue following her adventures. Something she said the day her husband decided to drop out of the AT really hit home to me. She said that she is hiking the trail to have time to think about and deal with many of the things that have happened to her over the last few decades. She’s learned that many people hike the AT as a form of therapy and a way to give them time and space to think. She is not at all apologetic or feeling guilty about taking this time. In fact, she knows how important it is for her. And this made me think about how similar it is to the path I’ve been on since I finished at my job on August 1. I haven’t had the same sort of alone time and physical challenges, but I’ve been through my own growth. This is my way of figuring out what’s next for me and also dealing with demons and challenges from my past. And boy have those come up as I try to live to my life in a different way, a way that isn’t as outwardly productive or financially responsible. I really liked how she framed it in such a positive way and it made me think differently about how I’m dealing with my own struggles and feelings of inadequacy during this time. I would definitely like to do some long trail like the AT or Pacific Crest Trail or the John Muir Trail though that’s not what I want to do right now. I am glad I have these alternating. periods of going out on my own to explore new places, then coming back and spending time with family and friends, in particular time with my mom, sisters, and kids. I’ve got many more years ahead of me to work for financial gain, as well as Intellectual stimulation and learning and putting forth my skills and abilities to benefit others. And that is where a lot of this internal work is taking place, figuring out what I feel called to do and what I am willing to do. There are things I am definitely interested in and want to do, but whether I can take the leap to do something so very different from what I’ve done before is what I am wrestling with. And I know some of it is that I won’t know until I start down that path and there’s so many things I can’t figure out without moving forward. So I guess the big question is if I have the courage to take those first steps forward and to keep moving even I’m scared and it’s hard. I think that Renee (the CTT hiker) can be a big inspiration for me. I don’t want to dissolve back into what is comfortable.
I end up helping out a lot of people on my walks. This morning I was walking on the trail by Richardson Bay and a couple of cyclists were stopped looking at their phones, trying to figure out how to get to Tennessee Valley Beach. I told him they were on the right road and they asked if they could get to Muir Beach from Tennessee Valley. I said there were trails and fire roads, but they were very rocky and steep. They were on road bikes and didn’t feel like riding on Highway one. Which I understand, though a Monday is probably a much better day to ride than on the weekend!
