One of the things I am trying to do is spend less time on distractions that I don’t actually enjoy, especially being conscious of how often I pull out my phone when I’m feeling bored or anxious. So I’m trying to stop myself when I do pull out my phone and check and see if what I’m doing is actually feeling positive both during the time I’m doing it and afterwards. It’s amazing how often I’m just mindlessly on my phone, I almost never go on social media anymore, but there does seem to be plenty of ways to get sucked into things that ultimately are not very satisfying. Kind of like when I eat too much sugar! This morning I decided not to look at my phone until after I had taken my morning walk. It was amazing how many times I caught myself pulling it out to check something. I ended up taking a longer walk than usual onto a trail in a different part of the neighborhood, and after just a couple of minutes in the woods, I had completely forgotten about my phone, which I realize is often the way it is when I’ve been nature and maybe that’s another reason I love being a nature so much. When I am in busy places where there’s lots of people and traffic and things going on, my phone feels like a good safe place to retreat to. I don’t have to pay attention to everything that’s going, on all the overstimulation that I am contending with. On my walk back home. I noticed a house that had a yard that sloped quite a bit towards the street and along the fence there were a half a dozen balls, all victims of gravity, that have probably been forgotten about.
Later, in the day, I headed to the Headlands Center for the Arts to check out an exhibit about bees. It was in the old gymnasium, which is probably close to 100 years old, if not older. The windows have been covered in beeswax so the interior of the building was dim with a yellow cast, the sound of bees played throughout the space to give you the sensation of being inside a beehive. There was also a video projected up on one wall near the ceiling – all you could see was the artists eyes as hundreds of bees flew around his head. I didn’t really like that part of the exhibit, but sitting in the room with my eyes closed, listening to the bees and smelling the beeswax was a really cool experience, for some reason it brought to mind what it may be like for a baby inside its mothers womb, dim and muffled and also reminded me of being in a dark yoga studio with lots of people chanting.
After that, I sat outside in the sun, updating my blog and reading, then wandered down to the path that took me to Baker Beach. Being a cold Thursday afternoon, it was not very crowded and it felt so good to walk on the sand and listen to the waves roll in and out.
Maybe by doing this work I can help other people like me, just normal people who don’t have any amazing work history, or haven’t had a high powered job, but just want to do something different and something out of the ordinary. Who are facing fears, just like me, about possibly starting a business. I guess I already have a lot of skills from other things I’ve done, but it feels really different thinking about doing it on my own, putting myself out there. It feels too ‘showy’ like I think I’m so amazing that I can do this thing myself, I don’t even know if I can. Figuring out what to do, how to get my business going, how to find people and more so how to convince them that they want my services, that I can help them, I will make a positive difference in their lives. Whew! I’m too much in my head right now.
Walking has always been such a positive thing for me, the physical energy it gives, the time for contemplation if I am alone or connection, if I’m with others, the restorative quality of being out in nature, slowing down, and noticing things instead of rushing around. My morning walk was out to Richardson Bay, where I could see birds and ducks getting their breakfast and the sun making it’s hazy way through the clouds. In the afternoon I hiked up to the Miwok Trail to a spot off the trail that has an old log bench with 360° views from the ocean and around the to the bay.
On Saturday, Julie and I did the next leg of the ridge trail by coyote Creek in San Jose. This was a much more exposed trail, so we were grateful to do it on an overcast cooler day, it would not be much fun in the summer. We did run into one part of the trail that was flooded and impassable so I had to detour around quite a busy road, luckily, that was only for about a mile or so. We went past another golf course, and didn’t see any indication of homeless shelters, likely because this area is more remote than the other part of the trail, and the 9 miles that we walked they were only three streets that bisected The trail. We did go past a model airplane airport, there was only one person out flying what we originally thought was a pretty good size plane. The wingspan was probably the length of his arms, but as we went past, he brought that plane in and took out a much larger plane that he had to wheel out to the field, and as we stood and watched, he took it through all kinds of acrobatic routines doing twists and spins flying upside down, it was quite a show! We had a bit of rain on the walk, but seem to time it well, as by the time we got back to where we had dropped off my car it was just starting to rain steadily. The drive back home was full of intermittent showers, where the rain would pour down for 30 seconds or so then lighten up and stop all together in the sun would come out then the pattern repeated for about half an hour. Definitely unsettled weather!
Tonight I had the pleasure of attending the Barbara Lee and Elihu Harris lecture series put on by the Martin Luther King Junior Freedom Center which featured the quilters of Gee’s Bend, Alabama. I had seen their beautiful quilts at the De Young museum several years ago, and was very excited to listen to some of the women who created these works of art. The grand ballroom at the Marriott was completely filled with an audience of I would say 99% women, all chatting excitedly to each other before the lecture began. There were a few quilts displayed on the stage and others at the back of the room, and I happened to be sitting a few rows in front of a group of quilters who had brought one of their own creations, which was absolutely incredible. There were a variety of speakers, including two students of the Martin Luther King Jr. Freedom Center who spoke so movingly about their experience with democracy, and their vision of how things can be different. When the Master of Ceremonies had finished introducing the speakers he announced that, in addition to the dignitaries he had mentioned earlier, there was one other dignitary that he just found out about, Bobby Seale, one of the founders of the Black Panther movement was in the audience. He stood up in the front row, gray haired and stooped, and waved to the crowd who roared their approval at his being there. The talk was at times funny, moving and inspirational. These women literally had almost nothing, grew up in families with almost nothing. Gee‘s Bend is a very small town of approximately 300 people and most children born there end up moving away as there is no economic activity in the town, at least there wasn’t until these fabulous quilters were discovered. It was so wonderful to hear about the positive difference these women have experienced because of their quilting expertise and how much they enjoy not only quilting, but the traveling and talking to others about what they do. A request was made for them to treat the audience to some of the gospel songs they sing while they’re quilting. Their strong, gorgeous voices echoed around the room, an uplifting end to a wonderful evening.
Listening to them speak, it struck me that when you always have everything you need (and often too much more) there’s never a need for creativity, except as a fun thing to do. There is no need for resourcefulness, reusing things in other ways, inventing, creating something out of stuff others discard. In an unexpected way they were doing an environmental service by taking the scraps from the cotton gin and using them in their quilts. Instead of throwing away old clothes, they were made into quilts, but not because someone thought it would be fun to do but because it was a necessity. And they didn’t have much choice in the fabric, texture or color, they used whatever they had – different sizes, shapes, colors, and created unusual, beautiful creations. The quilts weren’t planned out and carefully selected. In a way it sounds like the kind of life I want – a patchwork of all kinds of things – new, old, small, large, rough, smooth, bright, bold, wild, quiet, subdued, reflective, absorbing.