On Friday, I spent time doing homework for the Interim Executive Academy, a large part of which was a self assessment about my experience as a nonprofit ED and what I would bring to an interim role that would assist an organization in transition. I found taking the assessment to be very helpful and informative, giving me an idea of the areas I need to gain more experience in, where my strengths are, and where I can give specific examples of my work. I really like how practical this program is.
Later in the day, I walked over to my friend Isabel‘s place for dinner. She made us delicious tacos and very refreshing cucumber margaritas. It was fantastic to catch up with her in person and I even got to see two of her kids, one of whom I haven’t seen since she was a kid. Isabel and I met when our kids were in preschool together, 26 years ago – wow! The kids attended a co-op preschool, depending on how many kids you had at the school and how often they went, you would volunteer once or twice a week. Isabel and another preschool mom and I traded off looking after each other‘s kids when the others were volunteering at the school. We were also part of a group of moms who put together a summertime co-op camp, where half of us would plan a week of activities and outings with all the kids while the other half would have time off to do our own stuff, then the next week we would switch. Those were fun adventures – I think the adults had just as much fun as the kids! My memory of Isabel at that time was her holding Kieran whenever she got a chance. He was the youngest of the kids participating in co-op camp, and the only baby. Her kids were older so she just loved having a baby to cuddle.
After working for the school district for many years, she’s now running her own nonprofit supporting students who need extra help in their language skills. She’s also created parenting classes, supporting parents in understanding how the school system works, advocating for their children and learning how to best support them in their education. She’s just an amazing person and I am so lucky to have her as my friend for so many years.
When I got home later that night I found I had a message from one of the organizations I had interviewed for an Interim Executive Director role. Since it had been a couple of weeks and I hadn’t heard anything I had assumed they had hired someone else. The message from a BOD member was very neutral, just asking me to call him. When I did the next morning I was surprised to find out they were interested in offering me the position and wanted to discuss details to see if it looks like it will be a good fit for both me and the organization. Wow! You just never know what will happen.
I really see how I let others opinions, or more specifically my interpretation of others opinions, of me affect my mood and feelings about myself. After each of the job interviews I’ve had lately I felt up and down about how I did, ruminating about things that I felt like I did wrong or that I did not come across as I wanted to or wasn’t as prepared as I should have been, etc. When I did not get an immediate call back, or heard back right away that I wasn’t chosen, it makes me feel like I was incompetent and incapable even though I know I have the skills and I have done well in the past and when I’m doing a job, people are happy with my performance and the organization prospers. I know that getting across what I can do in a short interview is not one of my strengths. I feel myself getting dragged down. But then when I get find out an organization is interested in me I feel so much better about myself and my abilities. I hate being slingshotted around like this by my own emotions. I am pegging my self-worth and my happiness to whether others decide I am the right person for a job or not. I usually don’t even know the organization that well during the first interview phase and often the boards of directors don’t really know what the day-to-day is like for those positions so it is crazy to give others so much power over my emotions.
I can see how my feelings and energy levels have changed so much today because somebody offered me an opportunity, that they think I could be a positive benefit to their organization. I don’t want my self worth to be so tied to others opinions or my assumptions of their opinions, it leads to lots of unnecessary stress and worry. I’m still who I am regardless of whether I get a certain job or not.