What a delicious day! The dogs woke me up early needing to go out to do their morning business so I decided to make myself some coffee and get started with the day. I journaled then read for a bit and decided to take the dogs out for a short walk up the road. They love getting out to explore and they do very well, barking and pulling if they see a deer or cat, but otherwise there are well-behaved. I got back and made myself some breakfast and was feeling unenthusiastic about everything on my to do list for the day, so instead of forcing myself to dive in and get started I just let myself sit. I stared out the sliding glass doors of the living room and watched birds flitting around the canyon. I was beautiful. I read for a little bit then decided I wanted to work on a gap year guide post so I did that and got lost in it, which was wonderful. Then I felt ready to tackle doing research for a job interview that I have next week and I ended up getting absorbed in that as well. When I was finished I took a break, went for a short walk, had some lunch, then felt up to doing some job searching and found two jobs I was interested in! I took another break at that point to read, made a list of what I need to remember to do tomorrow before I head home then went outside and worked on my blog post for yesterday. I knew it was going to take me a while as there were lots of different things I was covering, I’m glad I left it till later in the day when I wasn’t distracted by anything else and I could sit outside where it was quiet and calm. I really didn’t pay attention to the clock at all during the day, in fact, was surprised when a few different alarms went off for writing group and zoom meetings that I could attend if I wanted to. I decided not to do any of that stuff as I was enjoying just going with my day and what felt right in the moment. it ended up feeling very positive, productive and enjoyable. I got more done than I expected and I enjoyed it, the time went really fast. I wonder if it’s possible to work like this more often. It would be the exact opposite of what I felt like my life was like before where it was only on occasional afternoons or evenings that I felt like I didn’t have pressure on myself to get things done because I had so little time available.
I see now how time is so valuable and it’s so easy to waste it on things that are just not important at all and to spend your time being resentful about what you need to do instead of giving yourself space and grace and having a cushion in between tasks. I noticed the other day on my way back from the farm that I was thinking about the things I needed to do. It dragged me down thinking ‘oh man, I’m gonna get back and then I’m gonna have to do this and this and this and that, and then I thought ‘No, I’m not gonna do anything when I get back. I’m gonna let myself relax, get settled back in and then see how I feel and see what I’m interested in doing.’ I did that and in the end I got almost everything done that I wanted to do and I felt like I was doing it because I wanted to not because I needed to. It really is learning to know yourself and know what you can and can’t do at certain times. It doesn’t mean that there are some things I can never do and if it was something that absolutely had to be done at that time I couldn’t do it, but I don’t want to live my life feeling like there’s always a need to rush and get things done. I’m getting better at letting some things go and amazingly my world has not fallen apart.
